Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Hospitals and Greater Purpose

I am in a hospital right now, in case you haven't gathered that fact from the title. I believe I've mentioned it before, but regardless, my grandfather is in the hospital.

He has Leukemia-Lymphoma, which, in his case means that cancer has spread throughout his bone marrow. He is currently undergoing chemotherapy and has next to no immune system. As a diabetic, my grandfather already has a weak immune system, but these days, we have to wear masks and wash our hands thoroughly before going to see him.

Anyway, as a result of this, relatives I've never met (or heard of) in my life are popping up out of nowhere to say that they will "keep him in their prayers", and that "everything happens for a reason", and all this other crap nobody says until somebody dies.

The good news is, his doctor is optimistic that he'll get through chemo but obviously, I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about my frustration with the phrases above. I suppose every time anything crappy happens this is the type of thing my family members spew, so I should be used to it, but no. I'm pissed.

Maybe I shouldn't be, cause I know they mean well. However, I can't help but think these "comforting" phrases are the most insensitive things you could ever say to someone, especially when it feels like the world is crumbling into a million pieces to them.

I'm taking the news pretty well, admittedly. I guess I accepted the fact that he would die someday long ago, but that's not the point. My dad isn't. Neither is my grandmother, or my brother. But instead of just being there for the grievers, and encouraging them, people feel compelled to toss around false promises and other religious crap.

It drives me up the overly-clean-hospital-walls when people say things like "everything happens for a reason". Because it's a big, giant LIE. They don't know that. They can't possibly know that!! No one can know that, so why don't they stop saying it?

Like I said, my grandmother isn't taking the news or the start of chemo very well, and all anyone says to her is "It's okay, God has a plan", and it infuriates me! My question is, are you really telling this person that her husband is dying for a reason? Are you telling her that when her husband's brain stops running and his organs give out, it's because some deity wanted them to? Because if you are, then are you also agreeing that God was right for giving him cancer in the first place?

What if there is no greater purpose? What if crappy things just happen, and people just die, and everything is completely random? What if life is like playing the lottery, and nobody really gets a say? What if God is just sitting up there in a hypothetical heaven playing the Sims with us all?

What really bothers me is how people, when they say these things, are trying to justify things they believe an all loving God allows to happen. I'm not going to justify anything, and I don't think they should either. I understand everyone must die at some point, but I don't understand everyone's need to assure people that its not as horrible as they think. Because it is. It's death.

I guess my point is that if you know someone who is hurting, don't attempt to justify everything bad that happens. Don't tell them their pain is for a greater purpose. Because its not, it's just life.