Friday, July 5, 2013

Injured and attacked by a bloodsucking parasite. . .

Hello! How are you, my lovely, imaginary readers?

I sincerely hope you are doing better than I am.

If you wonder what I could possibly mean by that, you probably haven't ever tried to workout outside at 6:30 AM, in Texas, wearing practically nothing.

Just kidding. . . I was wearing a tank top and shorts :)

Anyways, the reason I was working out outside is that (1) I have a small house, and (2) my parents like to sleep in, (as I assume most self respecting people do during the summer - excluding myself, of course) and burpees are perhaps not the quietest of things I could be doing at the butt crack of dawn.

So, it's my first morning ever working out outside, and I wake up in a good mood, craving some fresh air and sunshine. I change into workout clothes, throw my hair in a ponytail and lace up my sneakers all with a smile on my face until. . .

I realize my mom sleeping on the couch.

Ok, I think to myself. It's okay. I'll just get out there really fast and try not to disturb her.

Well, I manage to (kinda) get out there quietly. She didn't wake up, at least.

So now I'm outside, the breeze hitting my face and the air pleasantly cool as it is before 8:00 every morning. I warmup, stretch, and start a circuit workout, feeling like I could take over the world.

Until the second exercise. Pushups.

Now, before you start with the, "oh, come on Victoria, it's just grass. You can touch grass!", let me just say, I love being outside. I don't mind walking out bare foot, or laying down on the ground, but bugs. . .

No. Just no.

If you don't recall, I live in Texas, and there are bugs EVERYWHERE. Not cockroaches and things, I can deal with those. I mean the tiny little annoying gnats that fly around like their sole purpose is making the nicest of people want to shoot a kitten in the head (not that I would do that - I love kittens).

Ok, back to the story.
I decide to just suck it up. After all, you never heard Katniss complain about the harmless little critters. I drop to the ground, prepared to complete the most well executed push-ups I have ever attempted when I get a face (and mouth) full of bugs.

I complete my push-ups anyway, praying for the 20th to come, and hop up, successful avoiding a mid workout snack of insects. Now just 4 more rounds. . .

I end up toughing it out, if you're wondering, and put myself through it a couple more times, not wanting to bother my family. On Monday, however, I injured my neck (spine, back?) which put a stop to any type of physical activity, outside or otherwise. But that's not the point.

On Wednesday, I noticed the back of my leg itching. I have no idea how I didn't notice before, but when I took a look at myself in my full length mirror, I found a huge red spot the size of a baseball. One of those little suckers was clearly not a gnat.

So, I ignored it, because I would rather chop off my own leg than resort to medicine (maybe a bit of an exaggeration).

It got bigger. Placement was likely the main issue, with it being right inside my knee, where my pants rub up against it 24/7.

At this point I was miserable. I mentioned it to my mom a couple times but she didn't really say anything, so I just let it alone.
Then, yesterday, when she woke up, my mom noticed it, while I was wearing shorts so as not to irritate it.

She freaked out. Cellulitis, apparently. At this point I had no choice but to just do whatever would help, which included - despite my protest - actual medicine.

So, in the past 24 hours, I have seen the bathtub more times than in the previous week (Epsom salts). I also had a bread and milk poultice placed on my leg last night, which in case you were wondering, smells like crap. The red area has decreased though, so it's not all bad. ;)

I probably sound really bitter, I just noticed, but what sucks the most is I did it to myself. Anyways, the moral of the story is, think really hard about exercising in the great outdoors. You may regret it when a bloodsucking parasite leaves you thinking about how much you want to scratch your leg while trying to distract yourself with Sherlock.

Thank you and have a nice day *elaborately curtsies*